Trust a fellow officer
A defence lawyer was cross-examining a police officer during a trial — it went like this:
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several streets away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station, a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defence lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
No Escape
A man is driving his car on the motorway when suddenly he sees a police car loom up behind him in his mirror. He immediately puts his foot down, reaching 60 mph, then 90 mph then finally 120 mph! Finally the police car catches up with him and he is forced to pull over.
Officer: “Didn’t you see me in the mirror?”
Driver (sweating): “Yes I did.”
Officer: “So why did you speed up then?”
Driver (looking nervously into the police car): “Well officer, my wife ran off with a policeman a week ago… I thought you were bringing her back!
Crafty
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver’s licence?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got caught drink driving.
Officer: May I see the MOT certificate and insurance for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the insurance certificate in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the boot?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his sergeant. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the sergeant approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Sergeant: Sir, can I see your driving licence?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Sergeant: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the logbook, MOT certificate and insurance.
The driver owned the car.
Sergeant: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Sergeant: Would you mind opening the boot? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Sergeant: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a driving licence, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying swine told you I was speeding, too…
Source: http://www.policespecials.com/policejokes.html
Paint Touch Up And Go 
You must be logged in to post a comment.