A Little Cop Humour

Posted by painttouchupandgo on

Trust a fellow officer

A defence lawyer was cross-examining a police officer during a trial — it went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several streets away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station, a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defence lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

 

No Escape

A man is driving his car on the motorway when suddenly he sees a police car loom up behind him in his mirror. He immediately puts his foot down, reaching 60 mph, then 90 mph then finally 120 mph! Finally the police car catches up with him and he is forced to pull over.

Officer: “Didn’t you see me in the mirror?”
Driver (sweating): “Yes I did.”

Officer: “So why did you speed up then?”
Driver (looking nervously into the police car): “Well officer, my wife ran off with a policeman a week ago… I thought you were bringing her back!

 

Crafty

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s licence?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got caught drink driving.

Officer: May I see the MOT certificate and insurance for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the insurance certificate in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the boot?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his sergeant. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the sergeant approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Sergeant: Sir, can I see your driving licence?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Sergeant: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the logbook, MOT certificate and insurance.

The driver owned the car.

Sergeant: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Sergeant: Would you mind opening the boot? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Boot is opened; no body.

Sergeant: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a driving licence, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying swine told you I was speeding, too…

 

Source: http://www.policespecials.com/policejokes.html

Funny and Interesting Way to Describe A Situation

Posted by painttouchupandgo on

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun ofsubway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

To protect and to serve…and to park as we please! I’ll be the first to admit that the authorities have earned the right to park in places that us civilians aren’t allowed. It’s essential to the execution of their job. To stop them from parking wherever they please would put innocent lives at risk. Have I laid it on thick enough? I think so. All that being said, parking like this in front of a 7-Eleven is just a slap in all our law-abiding faces. We all try to properly stuff ourselves into these tiny spaces out of respect to humanity, but then this po-po pops in and does whatever he wants because his shotgun is mounted on the dash.

I happened to be inside this 7-Eleven purchasing the essentials, (milk, eggs, Spicy Nacho Doritos) when the officer entered. He was the kind of cop that is always filming his own personal sequel to “Training Day” in his imagination. Let’s just say his sunglasses never came off and he walked into the employees-only bathroom like he owned the place. Or at least like someone that was no stranger to their toilet. I felt as if he was going to write me a ticket for my Doritos exceeding the state of California’s “Spicy Limit.” All this being said, I got  in my car, put on the “Drive” soundtrack and pretended to be Ryan Gosling for the next couple hours whilst eating my Doritos. So who am I to complain?

Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

** Thank you… you made us laugh so we had to share!!  First, one of our customer’s friends son calls police po-po which we hadn’t heard in a while, and second?  Just funny the way you describe the situation.

Goodbye Boring Vans – Once Again Step Away From Classic to Future

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Imagine all those family men in particular who hate vans.  Wouldn’t this be a luxury?  You might even argue over who drives it to pick up the children?  Who would have first dibs on it?  This would be something worthwhile in relation to what most of our families in Canada and the US have been driving.  Affordable?  Probably not.  Realistic?  Most likely not.  Worth dreaming about?  Probably.  But we still think an Astro van with 8 seating places is doable.  Okay, more affordable.  Dreaming is fun though.  Body work on this baby? To match or blend the paint, never mind the materials involved in collision?  We don’t think we even could phantom the answers to that at this point.  This doesn’t even include how to detail such a beauty!  But we know at some point we could find it out. 🙂

**Realistically?  How would those upswing doors work in a parking lot in North America where they are getting smaller and smaller all the time? 

Here’s To The Future Goodbye Old Here’s New – Travelling In Style

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Well, things have change.  Even small, travelling is in style.  This brought to you courtesy of  Car Fiche http://www.carfiche.com/2012/03/07/things-to-bring-with-you-on-a-road-trip/

Travelling In the Early Days

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We have people who have told us about their early travels.  With 30 plus experience in this business, we actually remember.  When we say “we”, we speak to at least three of us.  Storage was not as accommodating as it is today.  One of us remembers a father packing up for a wife, four young girls, and an aunt to travel across the country in a station wagon.  Not much room for comfort, no videos, no Smartphones, not much for any luxury, other than singing songs you knew, a tape player that had batteries, and long hours of scenery and stopping off at tourist spots.  How times change.

This picture is nothing like what some of the roofs of travelling cars looked like.  Trust us.

To the younger generation, be thankful.  To the older, be thankful for the memories and the gratefulness we have that we don’t have to tie up (no bungy cords then) to the roof all the luggage we used to have to carry. 🙂

Vintage and Classic Car Discoveries

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We found this site and though classic car enthusiasts would enjoy it.  Have fun reading through the stories!

 

 

http://www.vintagesportscars.com/vintage_car_barn_finds.html

Photo from the site noted above.  Fast Cars of California.